Background of students in Alternative Education: Interviews with a selected 2008 cohort

3. The influence of violence in students’ lives

There were many stories that included references to physical, verbal and emotional violence of various kinds. Young people told us of the ways in which violence had been part of their family, school, gang, and social lives. Some was violence being inflicted on these young people by family members, peers, or gangs. Some was violence to others inflicted by these young people themselves. It was evident that being raised in an environment where violent behaviour was a regular occurrence had affected these young people. We were told stories of how they had become people that used violence in their interactions with others and as an outlet for their emotions. Approximately two-thirds of the stories mention domestic violence of some kind. Incidents of verbal violence permeate all chapters, because it was found to be so insidious, and this includes use of verbal violence by teachers towards students, which is reported in the schooling chapter.

In some instances young people were hesitant to provide detailed descriptions about what had happened, yet they were clear that they had encountered violence in their lives. There are many reasons why these young people may have chosen to tell us limited or sanitised stories of violence in their lives; to protect family members; being unwilling to share this aspect of their lives with strangers; or as one young man commented, to avoid dealing with people’s disbelief and shock at what some of them may have experienced. In this chapter we will explore some of the types of violence these young people have encountered and the impact this had on their behaviour.  

Domestic violence

The majority of young people we spoke to had experienced domestic violence in some form. For some domestic violence in the home was sporadic or connected to a particular event or time in their families’ lives. For others it was an ongoing factor in their home life since they could remember. This sort of behaviour may have occurred for many reasons including disagreements within the family or a particular member trying to assert dominance. In talking about violence at home, young people described the different ways this played out.

(1) Some had witnessed their parents fighting;

We were in the type of family life where my mum used to get beaten up by her boyfriend that she was with for about 5 years. [Samantha]

I was born into a family that smoked drugs, always argued, who fight and drink a lot. Mum was getting beaten up by dad, so moved to […city]. Then they broke up. I live with my dad because my mum is a bitch and she blames me—she yells at me down the street. Dad doesn’t fight now. [Mere]

(2) Violence was used as a form of discipline, with young people telling us their parents beat them (gave them ‘hidings’) for misbehaving;

Plenty of violence at home during times—hidings for acting up [Reuben]

I never went to the detentions. They [the school] told my dad about it and that's when I got the smack. [Kitty]

(3) Fathers were reported enacting violence towards family members in a number of ways:

Dad is in jail. He got 9 years, but he’s only done 4. He raped my sister. It happened about 2 years ago, then my mate committed suicide the next year. Can’t remember if mum and dad lived together. Dad’s been to jail before, don’t know what for, can’t remember…he beat my sister up in front of me. He was really violent to mum. When we were little (3 or 4), my dad kidnapped my sister and me...he took us to […town]. We had no clothes, he didn’t shower us for weeks and stuff, we stayed in the same clothes. [Polly]

(4) Students reported fighting with their siblings;

Things were getting nasty at home—mainly physical—because I had a smart mouth and my brothers didn’t like it. I act the same with dad but with him its play fighting—more serious with my brothers. [Anaru]

Another young person had adopted a combative approach to dealing with people, learnt from her older siblings. In her view it was important to fight back when challenged and she even had options if the challenger was male. She had a strong self image of herself and her brothers as soldiers, defending their territory and themselves;

I guess fighting comes from my 2 older brothers—could come from them. I stick up for myself, if a girl gets in my face I will give her a hiding, but if a boy does, I’ve got two older brothers who will take care of them…I’ve got a sore knuckle aye—Sunday, from a fight I had in the weekend—a street fight—this chick—don’t like her coming down my street, don’t like her being a bitch. I just had to sort her out. And then she ended up ripping my top, so she’s going to get another hiding. Apparently I broke her nose, fractured her cheek bone and gave her concussion. But she’ll be right. No it’s all good. My parents would say “don’t hit her”. I don’t like people telling me what to do….There’s no hitting in my family—not father—but me and my brothers we are soldiers. At primary school when I got shitty I would hit people, like my brother. [Superman]

(5) Some young people were involved in altercations with their parents:

Before my parents had separated things weren’t too good—everyone having a go at each other—sometimes it was OK but mostly it wasn’t. It was a mix of verbal and physical stuff—mainly physical between me and my dad as I got older. I was 11 when I first hit dad—something happened and I burst and threw a punch.

I left one of the other centres after getting into a scrap with my step-mum. The police got involved and charges were laid. [Henry]

One of these young people was involved in a less common form of domestic violence in our study where two sisters beat up their mother:

One day my mum wouldn’t get out of the doorway so I hit her and then dad hit me and then the police got called, and me and my dad got arrested, and we were up in court for assault. My sister used to beat up my mum all the time, and so my mum kicked her out of home, and she went to live with my aunty. A month ago my sister and my aunty had a fight and my sister hurt her hand through a broken window and she had to go to hospital. When she came out of hospital my mum went and picked her up and brought her home. Things have been heaps better since then.

Since we’ve been to court we don’t beat her [mother] up any more. I think we must have got it from my mum, who used to get pissed off with her own mother—my grandmother, and once she pushed her down the stairs. When mum pisses us off we hit her or push her round. She used to hit back but now she doesn’t. She used to sit there and laugh at us. I just get angry with my mum. When we got home from school she was always sitting at the computer. We told her to get a job. She wouldn’t do housework or cooking. She did washing once a week and we would have to do everything else. She is real lazy and addicted to the computer. She never cooked. But now she is better. I think she is bored. [Christine]

One of the clear messages conveyed in young people’s stories was that they themselves had adopted violence as a tool or option for dealing with others, probably as a result of their exposure to violence in the home.

Student’s behavioural violence

In the context of this report we are using the term ‘behavioural violence’ to describe how violence was used by young people in their social interactions. In sharing stories and observations the interview team noted that there was constant reference by young people to the use of violent behaviour as a means of expressing themselves or dealing with situations and/or people in their lives. Nearly all of the young people we spoke to had been involved in violent incidents either in their family life, at school, or out of school. The following excerpt provided by the clinical psychologist in the research team provides some theoretical background on the impact of violent upbringings on young people and their own ‘dis-regulated’ (violent) behaviour:

DIS-REGULATED BEHAVIOUR.

Clinically the terms used are 'enacting' or 'externalising'⁵. The terms describe a range of behaviours where the individual has difficulty managing or 'regulating' their emotional (affective), cognitive (psychological) and behavioural states. In other words they are 'dis-regulated'. It is held that such developmental outcomes are associated with poor attachment in early childhood (since the attachment dynamic is central to the development of affect regulatory processes and brain/neural structures) and exposure to or experience of trauma (which could include exposure to domestic violence, experience of physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc) which leads to chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), itself associated with some of the same symptoms. Children whose primary caregivers have poor affect modulation themselves are more likely to develop such outcomes.

Longer term outcomes for such children or young people are the development of clinically diagnosed Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Conduct Disorder, sometimes the diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder and the eventual development of Anti-Social Personality Disorder or its traits. (Fergusson, 1998; Fonagy, et al. 2002; Rutter & Srouffe, 2000; Seigal, 2007).

In plain language, this means that children who ‘act out’, like many of the students in our research, may have been exposed to violent and traumatising experiences in their lives, or have had inadequate bonding experiences with their mothers as new-born babies. In the latter case the brain development (and wiring) which normally takes place, has been interrupted or delayed, but the effect is the same as for people who have experience PTSD. As a result, these people are more likely to experience problems in regulating their own emotional behaviour and affective states later in life. Moreover, children who are parented by people who have acted out in violent ways themselves, are even more likely to ‘act out’.

The term 'regulating' one’s emotional (affective), cognitive (psychological) and behavioural states, means being able to recognise depths of feelings and emotions and moderate one’s behaviour in relation to this. When one feels disappointed or sad, as most of us do from time to time, normal behaviour is knowing that we will not sink into terrifying depths of depression, or panic attacks of anxiety and fear. When one feels angry it is the ability not to default to the ‘flight or fight’ positions. An example to illustrate the difference is of two drug users ‘coming down’ off a high after using the drug P. This drug is renowned for its nasty side effects in making people feel depressed after the ‘high’ experience. A person in the ‘dis-regulated behaviour’ camp will struggle with this experience because they have little understanding and trust that this ‘coming down’ experience is a transitory state, but will improve over time. They become terrified that they will sink lower and lower into the depression they are experiencing, and so they take alcohol to mask the effects of ‘coming down’. In this state, they become so terrified and panicked, that they will do anything to acquire alcohol, including armed hold-ups. A person not in the dis-regulated camp, is aware that this state is a result or side effect of their drug use, and knows they will come out the other side, and will probably just go home to sleep it off.

Young people’s stories of their own violent ‘dis-regulated’ behaviour reflected those they told us about their families. Being raised in and around violent behaviour appears to be a critical reason why they adopt the kinds of violent behaviour they do towards others.

Bullies and Bullying

Related closely to this are the stories from young people who identified themselves as bullies or who described bullying behaviour. Some young people were aware that their bullying behaviour was linked to their home life and how they had been raised:

When I first came here (AE), I tried to bully my way through, but it didn’t really work because they just weren’t interested. I reckon the first year was the best for me, but I was still bullying. In my first year, I got suspended twice, three times for bullying. They sat me down, talked to me and brought my father in…Before, if someone came up to me and looked at me funny, I would go up to them and push them or punch them, but when I was trying to work with it, I wouldn’t think of that (people hating on me). I would just look at them and smile. I did that myself because I really wanted to change…As a little girl—My mum would describe me as a brat, a nightmare. I think my anger comes from… I didn’t have a dad and mum, I just had my nana and sister…It was all about trying to be cool and that just led me no-where. Throwing my weight around, do anything to get attention. Not doing any learning. I used to bully the teachers.

Question: So you were a bully? Why do you think you were like that?

Answer: I don’t know… when I was a kid, I used to see a lot of alcohol and violence so I think that’s what I knew, all I knew. [Jessica]

One young woman was not sure why she was a bully:

It’s easy to lash out physically or verbally…It was a pretty good school aye, but I was the bully there—pretty naughty. I don’t know why I became a bully…I used to beat people up and not do work and be smart to the teachers and that. That’s been at all the schools since I was 6. I was used to being at the top of the pecking order, could get people to do what I wanted, but that changed at secondary school. [Bonny]

Several young people voiced regrets about their bullying behaviour and in some cases were happy with changes they had made about how they once acted:

I would tease and bully other kids. As I got older the bullying was more likely to be physical…I regret it [bullying]. I think some people might even run away from me if they saw me on the street. I don’t like that idea. [Henry]

Things were ok until a boy threw a ball in my face—I threw it back and he punched me so we had a fight. A couple of weeks after that he whacked me cross the face with a shoe and I chased him and beat him up in front of his mum…Friends would encourage me to fight other people cause they wouldn’t fight themselves. I have a reputation as a good fighter. I don’t think that reputation is a good thing for me but I feel like I’m learning to control myself better…It feels a lot better to not have that reputation anymore—where I’d just beat people up. Like before if I was with my mate who was asking his mum for money, she’d see me and be scared and hand out money. Now she isn’t scared and will only give him a little bit of money. [Anaru]

Other young people became bullies in response to how their peers were acting, and to exert power over others:

I’ve been fighting and bullying and got suspended too much and wagging, from when I was year 8. That was when I started bullying and stuff. People at school always get cheeky. I was picking on people. Teachers talked to me about the bullying. [Colin]

Some young people told us stories of reacting to teasing and bullying from other students. Several of them told us that they did not regularly get into fights but sometimes things got too much for them. Frequently the bullying they described involved verbal abuse which was something these young people found extremely difficult to handle. They told us others bullied them about their school work/academic performance, race or culture, sexual persuasion, or their family. This led to some fighting back against those bullying them, in a way they were familiar with, i.e. physically, irrespective of whether they liked or wanted to fight:

I was there 2 years but I got bullied from all the older girls and one day they came up to me and started a fight and I started fighting back. Then I got kicked out. Just one fight. I wanted to stay at school. I told the teachers that I had been bullied but they didn’t listen. It was because I was pretty popular. I don’t want attention but people like me. It wasn’t a serious fight. I was the only one expelled. The school couldn’t take me back—the principal saw me on top of the girl—she jumped to conclusions. My fight at school was a shock for me to see I was kicked out of school for just that one thing. Every other person got 3–4 warnings. I love to clown and make people laugh—my friends like that. I don’t swear and don’t like violence and people feel comfortable with me. [Naomi]

Me and my mate were getting hassled for being lesbians and the teacher didn’t stop the kids just said ignore it. We would walk out of class. Most of the fighting was because kids would dis (disrespect) my mum and put me down. I’m good at looking after myself. [Tweety]

I was just smashing up the school aye and having fights and things. They (other students) were just shit stirring and I couldn’t take it anymore. [Robert]

Things weren’t going too good at school, getting bullied because I was too pretty and stuff, other people made up rumours about me that weren’t true. [Samantha]

I still got pretty fired up when I was living with my grandma. The thing that sparks me off is whenever people insult my friends or scrap them out or when they attack my family, but worst of all is when they say things about my mum…At the first school it was real hard—I was bullied for the first year and a half by heaps of kids, and the principal there hated me and wouldn’t do anything about it, until my father came up, and then it stopped for a while but then it started again. I started to stick up for myself and then I just went mental—lost it…I think I was bullied because our family was actually quite poor and I didn’t wear flash clothes like the rest of them. Kids from farming district used to wear label clothes…When I first started at school here the Emo thing came up and I had blue/black hair. Kids started to tease me about that but I stuck up for myself. So it stopped and they got to know me, I don’t believe in judging people by what they look like. I don’t believe in hitting first but if someone hits me I’ll hit back. Hitting first gets you into trouble. [Pink]

Primary school was good until I got bullied. That was the start of things going bad. I had good friends and was learning but then it wasn’t so good. I got jumped at school—I told a teacher but she didn’t do anything. I wagged and had to go to a councillor. After I was jumped we had a meeting with the school but the teacher didn’t get punished. Sometimes I was fighting but after a while I left it but they kept going. Then I got badly beaten up and my parents found me and called the cops—that’s when I felt that I couldn’t trust any teachers… being at AE I’ve started to think I can trust people again. [Bob]

Others told of reaching breaking point after ongoing threats from other students:

I got really angry and hit a student over the head with a hard cover book. She kept saying she was going to smash me, and she’s bigger than me. [Dillon]

Some young people would take out their frustrations about being bullied on their peers, to make themselves feel better:

I always thought after about why I did it [bullying]. I’d regret it. I always feel bad after I do it but I don’t think before I do. I do before I think.

I would hold anger inside—I sort of always knew that but I’d release it on other people. The anger was from people getting smart to me but I’d go and take it out on other people. If I felt bad I’d feel better from making someone else feel bad. But I would have regret cause I’d know how they felt. [Tom]

Whether these young people were the instigators of violent behaviour or retaliating due to others actions they were more likely to express themselves in a physical manner. They acted in ways they had seen their families and peers interact with each other. Several young people had spoken of learning about why they acted out in a physical manner and many felt relief that they were starting to regain control over their anger and actions.

Footnote

5. Clinical term's used to describe a range of behaviours in both children and adults which has the following characteristic; non-compliant, disorganized, poorly boundaried, difficulty in  managing emotional arousal, externalising, aggressive, poor social skills and/or a poor awareness of social rules and norms.