Background of students in Alternative Education: Interviews with a selected 2008 cohort

2. Students’ Whānau and Families

We found the majority of students told us that their families were struggling and experiencing various forms of hardship, and in many families there were multiple issues involved. Drug and alcohol issues, domestic violence, criminal/gang connections, frequent moves—both geographic and in living circumstances among family/whānau members, and general disorganisation of family function were described in many different ways and combinations. Often there were indications of poverty, however, only one student described her family as “poor”. There were three stories which hinted at or described sexual abuse, and several where CYF had been involved in removing children from their families for a number of reasons. So quotes such as: "Kids ruin your life";  "They were useless parents"; " I didn't really ever have a Mum or a Dad"; “My family argued”; and "We were having a rough time (before I got into trouble)", were not uncommon.

On the other hand, what came through the stories most vividly, was that while students often recognised that their problems and issues were in some way related to family systems and behaviours, many showed high levels of connectedness to their families, and were often fiercely protective towards them. In fact, one of the most common triggers to the students’ own violent outbursts was often as a result of their family (or friends) being disrespected or slandered by others (by both students and teachers). Some of the young people who came from the more ‘anti-social’ behaviour sets (such as families with connections to gangs) also tended to see that culture as the norm. Never-the-less, there were also stories of mothers, usually, and fathers, who had demonstrated great strength and resilience to keep their children out of harm’s way.

An interesting finding was that while many families did not resemble the Anglo-Saxon model/myth of the two-parent and two-children structure, most were from intact families and whānau of all kinds of combinations of related people. Very few students came from single parent families, and where they did participants judged that the family now functioned more effectively than it had done when both parents had been present. However, even where these families were ‘intact’, many were struggling, with parents sometimes working long hours in shift work and employment, and children being sent away to live with relatives when things got tough.

In this chapter, the main aspects that resulted in hardship for families are illustrated from the students’ own stories.

Children separated from their family

A third of the young people told us about how their behaviour had become increasingly disruptive and violent as a result of being removed or dislocated from members of their family. It seemed that no matter how negative the family situation was, each student’s story had a common thread which was that being separated from original family members was emotionally traumatising.

One traumatised young man in our study had just come out of ‘lock-up’ (Youth Justice centre) where he had spent a year for a criminal offence, which appeared to be set off by a series of decisions which separated him further and further away from his family. CYFs had removed the eight children of the family from their parents because his father was violent, when “Jay” was eight years old. All the children had been split up, and Jay went from foster home to foster home, all the time missing his mother, but at least having access to see her from time to time. The final foster-care family moved with him to Australia, which was the last straw for Jay and he “really freaked out being taken so far away from Mum”. As a result of his behaviour he was sent back to New Zealand, and since being released from the YJ centre, has been living happily with his mother again.

Anglia was brought up by his grandparents after his mother had him at a very early age. He was sent to live with his mother, once she had settled down with a family of her own, and this removal from his ‘first and known’ family, seems to have been the trigger for his unsettling behaviour:

I lived with nan and pop for the first seven years of my life, then I went back to mum for a while but I didn’t like it, so I came back to nan and pop and aunty. Mum lives in Waihi but I don’t see her anymore—don’t get on with her. Nan and pop are like my real parents. When I was little I used to cry heaps. I’d keep them up always crying when I was a little baby. My mum was too young to look after me when I was born. [Anglia]

Pink was taken away from her parents by CYF to live with her grandma for the last four years because her parents were both drug users. They are now both on the Methadone programme.

At the first school it was real hard—I was bullied for the first year and a half by heaps of kids, and the principal there hated me and wouldn’t do anything about it, until my father came up, and then it stopped for a while, but then it started again. I started to stick up for myself and then I just went mental—lost it. I think I was bullied because our family was actually quite poor and I didn’t wear flash clothes like the rest of them. I still got pretty fired up when I was living with my grandma. The thing that sparks me off is, if ever people insult my friends or scrap them out, or when they attack my family. But worst of all is when they say things about my mum…It was hard at the beginning to be away from my parents, but then I found I could see my parents a lot, and then at the end it was hard because I knew I was going home, but the court took such a long time for all the papers to go through. But now I’m back home, things are fine. [Pink]

Will lives with his grandparents (mum’s parents), because “dad hasn’t lived with me since I was 7. When he left mum got depressed. She spends her time on the computer at home. We don’t talk much.” Will was an exceptionally bright student, but had been sent to AE for smoking drugs, fighting and wagging at secondary school.

Samantha lives with her dad and her little brother.

I ran away from home because of everything that happened. It was because my mum was sick. She was taking drugs. At my mum’s place, I was beaten up by my mum’s boyfriend a couple of times—he’s big-as. When my nan found out, she looked after us, but then she didn’t have enough money, she was on the benefit. Most of my primary years, I lived with my nan, we were always together…When I ran away from home (dad’s place), I didn’t come home for about 7 or 8 months, I stayed on the streets for 2 weeks, then stayed with a boy I met on the streets. I’m still with him today. I missed my family so much. It sucked. I thought if I went home, everything would just go wrong. Couldn’t tell my dad that I was sorry—thought that he would be angry. But he wasn’t, he was just happy that I went back home. He was worried about me all that time….When I was little, I was always happy, but when I grew up, I got quite quiet. I didn’t really like my dad at first. I thought he was the one who took us away from my mum, but I’ve learnt that things weren’t like that. I love my dad heaps. He’s cool and he understands. Doesn’t give me lectures like my mum. I miss my mum—worry about her all the time. She’s too far away from me.

Jessica: “My mum was an alcoholic... So really, my grandmother brought me up. She lives just round the corner from my mum. I see mum every week. I didn’t have a dad and mum, I just had my nana and sister. But when I grew up, I wanted to know my other family members like my father.”

Henry has lived with a number of different family members, but is now living with his nana. He could see that how things were at home, influenced him at school. Most of his changes were due to the family moving around. “Mum and Dad separated about 4 years ago. I’ve also got a step-mum and step-dad—they have had more kids plus the ones from the other families. I first got into trouble in primary school and was kicked out when I was about 8. This was when granddad died. I was just uncontrollable in the classroom. I haven’t spoken to anyone about how I feel about granddad—I think that’s part of why I’ve acted out at times. Granddad was really special and we had a connection that I don’t really have with the rest of my family…I was under CYF care due to my behaviour—for about 5–6 months in 2007, before being placed with Nana. I had been living with my mother in Rotorua before this, but got into an argument with my step-dad and it went from there…CYFs wouldn’t let me go back to live with Dad. I sometimes visit mum—not too often though. See dad every second weekend and stay there during the holidays and get on fine with both mum and dad. Me and my nana have our ups and downs though”.

Whitebait : “My family is me, my brother, my little brother and dad. My sister lives locally too. Mum lives with her partner. I don’t see her much, she’s not really connected. Parents split up when my dad was 24/25. I was about 4. I’ve had times with mum, we’re not allowed to stay with mum. When dad was in jail, we used to get into trouble and she told dad and he rang CYFs, and they told us we couldn’t see her. She doesn’t care what we do. She’s not really a mum, she’s like a stranger. Dad is more like a dad, sort of. Mostly when dad was in jail, I was at boarding school—when I was around 12 years old.”

Nate now lives with his foster family.

“Since the start of the year, I don’t live with mum. CYFs organised for me to live with my caregiver and three kids, all hers. I get along alright with them. One is one year older than me and the rest are older. They go to school locally. They’re good to me, cool. My older sister is one year older and she has the same situation, she’s living some where else. Don’t really care about seeing my family. I feel closer to my mates. Dad was trying to help out with the situation, but I didn’t get along with him. It’s easier to talk to the caregiver, she treats me the same, and gives me a grounding when I get into trouble.”

Bruce was the most forthright of the students about his feelings of being let down by his parents:

“I live with my auntie—eight family people live there. Mum and dad live in the next town. They are useless parents—not so much my dad. My mum doesn’t deserve my respect. She needs to straighten up and open her eyes and smell the roses. She makes up excuses for people to give her money and then she goes and spends it on alcohol for her and her new boyfriend. My parents are not living together. I don’t talk to people here about it—don’t like talking about it. I used to get on OK with my mum. When I was getting into trouble, mum and dad tried to sort my troubles out at school, but they were having things going on at home with fighting their hearts out”.

Family Connectedness

These stories resonate with another study of AE students in New Zealand (Denny, Clark, Fleming and Wall, 2004) where 268 AE students from Northland completed a survey on emotional resilience. In this study it was found that:

The school, family and socioeconomic environments of AE students are as important to their welfare and well-being as more obvious concerns about their safety from abuse and violence. Students from our study described strong family caring and connectedness and strong peer support and school connection. These findings are noteworthy in that few studies have described protective factors among students at risk of not completing high school…We also found that in multivariate models, family connectedness, compared to school and peer connections, was the most significant protective factor and was more significant than individual risk factors. (ibid. p.146)

Influence of significant drug and alcohol use in the home

There were some students who told us quite explicitly that their families did not take drugs or drink alcohol. These were more likely to be Pacific Islands students. One Tongan girl said:

I’ve got a really supportive family—I love them. We all attend the Tongan church—every Sunday we have to go to church. My parents are strict with me—they have real strict boundaries for us—no boyfriends til I’m 21. They don’t want us to drink or smoke and I don’t. Lots of other kids at Course do. I don’t mind the other kids doing it. I don’t mind hanging round people who do it, but I don’t want to. My parents don’t have it in the house [Naomi].

However, nearly 40 percent of the students in our study mentioned the significant use of drugs and alcohol in their family homes, and how this factor had influenced their own uptake of these substances. This figure is probably underestimating the reality in fact, as we only counted the students who had offered this information freely. In several interviews where there was discussion about family gang connections, there was not always direct reporting by the students of drugs and alcohol in that setting, yet we believe this was highly likely to be the case.

For many students, an environment where drugs and alcohol are freely used was considered quite normal. Mere explains this normalising of behaviour when she says:

My family still takes drugs, it was what I thought was normal. I got brought up around it, but it’s not good because it influences me and my sister and we smoke drugs, drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes. No-one ever talked to me about this before I got to AE. Dad uses drugs—don’t know why we started. He stills smokes drugs but tells me not to. I’m getting sick of it now—wastes my time. I’d rather watch TV or sleep. Don’t want to smoke drugs when I’m grown-up. [Mere]

In her interview when she was asked how she became a bully, Jessica answered:

I don’t know… when I was a kid, I used to see a lot of alcohol and violence so I think that’s what I knew—all I knew. I still drink alcohol to this day, but I started not liking marijuana because I’ve seen the side effects of it. My dad was a hard-out drug user and now he’s not well. I think I stopped because of that. It wasn’t hard to stop. I just did it [smoked] to be cool. [Jessica]

The following statements from a sample of students illustrates how widespread this issue is in these students’ lives, and how it relates to their own substance abuse.

Mum’s on the methadone programme and Dad has just come off it—they both used to take drugs. I smoke cigarettes and I drink sometimes at a friend’s house. If we go to a party we drink spirits and my mum gets it.[Pink].

Mum and dad have smoked dope and drink right through since I was little [Bruce].

I do heaps of drugs with my friends. I’ve smoked dope and drunk alcohol since the end of primary. Dad smokes dope but mum doesn’t and she doesn’t let me do this at home. I still get drunk and stoned with my friends in the weekend. [Tweety]

Dad was Black Power and I was with him all the time—I watched him with drugs. It was fun but drug people are not fun. Have you seen “Once were Warriors”? It was like that. Mum brought us here to get away from the gangs. Mum was frightened because my brother started getting into drugs and alcohol. Mum stayed away from it and wanted to get us away from it. [Genius 1]

I don’t want to be a dope fiend (smoke pot). Seen the effects in my family. It addles and controls the brain and mind. Also expensive—$20. Crazy aye? [Robert]

There’s not much drinking at home but I smoke every day and drink every few weekends—and get pissed—there’s no point in drinking and not getting pissed, because that’s just a waste of alcohol. [Superman]

Two students had been involved with highly risky behaviour around alcohol and drugs. Their stories hint at deeply seated problems which they were not prepared to share in an hour to a stranger, but which can be glimpsed at.

Rose described herself as being an alcoholic at primary school. She tells her story in her own words:

When I was young there was my mum’s ex- boyfriend. There was yelling. It’s hard getting over the fact that I was the victim—I had troubles with mum’s ex-boyfriend when I was a kid. It was hard to function, but I don’t want to talk about it. I think it was his alcoholism. I got to be an alcoholic at the age of 12 and that was because I was trying to get rid of all my troubles. I started hurting my mum, but I don’t want to talk about it. My family doesn’t smoke dope or drink—except my stepfather, to control the pain in his leg and back after his heart attack. He is addicted but he’s quit smoking.

My mum, my boyfriend and the Salvation Army helped me get over my alcoholism. I was an alcoholic for 2 years—I was drinking every day in the first year—I wouldn’t stop until I’d binged. I was shaking—automatically—my mum noticed I had a problem. I was drinking Cody, Bourbon, Jim Bean, Woodstock, Jack Daniels straight. I actually had a good time when I was drinking—I forgot all my troubles. I got drunk, but I knew when to stop, like when I was going to hit the hay or when I spewed. But then I’d start again. I was still going to primary school then. I was drinking at school. The teachers knew. I was actually happy when I was drinking.

When I was kicked out of secondary school, I hit the deputy principal a few times, and threw chairs at students. It was part of coming off the alcohol. Mum tried to help me lots—she got me lots of counselling but I went through heaps of counsellors. They were no good—some didn’t want to listen, it was too hard to cope with me, some told my mum they couldn’t take any more. I did it myself I reckon. How? I got me a good boyfriend.

My boyfriend stopped me drinking. He’s tall, he’s against drinking—he’s a Jehovah’s Witness, and so is my mum’s boyfriend. He’s against swearing. He doesn’t like people disrespecting their parents especially their mum. He’s my mum’s boyfriend’s nephew, by adoption. He lives with us. We’ve got a rule that they are not allowed to live with us until we know them properly, because of my background troubles, and it took 2 years to get to know my boyfriend before I even offered him my hand in friendship. [Rose]

Tweety as we have seen on page 16, lives with the influence of drugs and alcohol, and she also uses these substances quite heavily in the weekend. However, there seemed to be deep seated reasons to why this was happening:

I’ve sniffed glue when I’m drunk. It’s hard to explain. It’s when I get depressed—my older sister is mental—she’s in a mental hospital—she takes medication but it makes her real fat. She’s a lot worse than me. I don’t take medication—I have my own way of calming down—I slit my wrists—it helps me calm down. [Tweety]

The Literature

There are a number of studies internationally that have found links between students in AE centres, or the equivalent, who engaged in health-risk behaviours, had high rates of substance abuse, trouble with the police, previous physical and sexual abuse, and emotional problems with symptoms of depression and anxiety (cited in Denny, Clark and Watson, 2003).

While our research did not have a quantitative purpose to it, we were able to extrapolate from the data to add up rough totals of where students had explicitly mentioned similar practices. We had observed during our visits to the AE centres that most of the students we interviewed and those we didn’t, smoked cigarettes in break time. Many had smoked weed / dope / marijuana. Most drank alcohol, with the exception of some of the Pacific Island students, where it is not customary to drink in their homes. Many did all three (smoked cigarettes, dope and drank alcohol) on a regular basis.

Resilient mothers keeping children safe

Resilient mothers who kept trying to keep their children out of trouble, or to keep them safe were a recurring theme in several of the stories. Against the odds they persisted, trying several different avenues in some cases. Mothers were mentioned more often than fathers in this role, and in some cases it was fathers or partners where the trouble began. Often we were given just a glimpse of the situation, as the students told their accounts while remaining loyal to both parents, as children from split families often are.

One mother had managed to keep her husband’s gang life separate from home life. Their daughter Lush said: “When dad is at home he is a home dad. It used to be an issue—but he keeps home and gang separate now. Gang members used to come over home a lot—not so much now. My mum won’t let my dad do things at home like what he does when he goes out with his gang mates.”

Another mother had tried very hard to help her daughter Rose get over her alcoholism as a 12 year old. She had also come to an agreement with Rose about men staying in their house after her ex-boyfriend caused trouble (possibly sexual abuse of her daughter). Rose explained:

“We’ve got a rule that they are not allowed to live with us until we know them properly, because of my background troubles…And my mum has been going out with her boyfriend for quite a long time but he didn’t move in until I was ready, so my mum says if my daughter and kids aren’t ready, then its not OK.”

GeniusOne’s father was in the Black Power gang and her mother finally managed to remove her children from the gang environment in Auckland, after she was successful in getting a restriction order lifted, which had prevented her from leaving the city. In order to keep the children safe while in the city, she kept shifting house. GeniusOne attended 12 schools in her first year of schooling, 8 intermediates and 3 secondary schools:

“Every month we would move – that was my first year at school. My dad kept taking me out of school to the gang headquarters. I loved to read. When I was four my mum taught me the alphabet, and we had heaps of books at home. I remember one called Annie – the first book I ever read, even before I got to school.” [GeniusOne]

Sonny’s mother moved the family to the north island for a fresh start after her two boys kept getting into trouble with police for stealing cars (over 100). Sonny explained how he got into stealing:

“My older brother looked after me cos mums always working—Mum works at some brothel or something – she’s like a manager. I love my cars aye, but mum got angry at us and telling us off, so when we came up here she said ‘you don’t need to steal – you can just ask me for stuff and I’ll find a way of getting it for you’. So she bought my brother a car. She said if I can finish school she’ll get me a car or motorbike – I want a dirt bike.” [Sonny]

While GeniusOne could be described as a transient child this does not reflect negligence or non-caring on the part of her family. In the wider circumstances of her life however, her mother appears to have considered the children’s physical safety over and above a settled education. What is to be acknowledged is that she sent them to school at all, considering the constant movement. It is clear however, that she valued education, by teaching her daughter to read before she even started school.

Reuben’s family situation was polarised, but his mother was doing her best to protect the children from their father’s gang influence.

Dad has close involvement in the Mongrel Mob. I live at home with mum and my step dad and two brothers and a sister. All the whänau are connected to the gang. It’s a bit strange about mum and gangs and religion. You walk into the house and its just mob posters everywhere, then down the end of the house are the pictures of Jesus and stuff. She tries to influence us to avoid gangs (through religion). My stepdad is an ex-skinhead (whitepower). Mum met him while dad was in prison. Mum is Päkehä and dad is Mäori— they don’t really see each other too much. I get on fine with my stepdad—even though he has all his white power tattoos and stuff. My stepdad has raised the two youngest kids and that’s cool [Reuben].

Summary of Whänau and Families section

Students provided us with a glimpse into their family lives and situations—telling us as much as they decided to divulge. We became increasingly aware during the study that we were probably only being shown the tip of the iceberg and that what lay beneath the waves could only be guessed at.

The literature warns it is easy to blame families for the problems their children get into and to criticise them for their lack of interest and support (Tabin, 1999). However, as Levin (2004, p.19) points out, “parents vary in their ability to provide necessary supports to children for a whole range of reasons, including inadequate incomes as well as stresses and problems in their own lives”.

A deficit view is not helpful, because of the way it closes down options and possibilities for change. However, it does not mean that families and whänau are devoid of all responsibility either. What is needed is much more understanding about the stresses and problems in families, and an awareness of the gaps in emotional support necessary for these students. Because of their family backgrounds, which children have little control over, it seemed to us that these students have high and specific needs on a par with students who have special needs for physical and cognitive disabilities.

The next chapter (3) elaborates on the influence of violence in many of these childrens’ lives, and chapter 4 case studies stories where students were involved in gangs through families and/or friends. Chapter 5, on the schooling experience of these students, begins to illustrate the increasing frustrations and explosions of anger that occurred for many students in particular schooling contexts, which resulted in their being excluded from mainstream schooling.