11. Home life

In this chapter, we describe first the young people’s perceptions of their relations with their family, and the framework of rules and expectations for their behaviour. Then we turn to parents’ reports of their child’s happiness, any concerns they might have, and the kinds of experiences that they shared with their child.

Young people’s views of their home life

We asked the young people whether they agreed with the same set of 28 items about their family and home life that we had asked about at age 14. Not surprisingly, we found four very similar groupings at age 16, with factors coalescing around inclusive family, supportive family, family communicates well, and family pressure.

Inclusive family

Around three-quarters of the young people felt included in their families: they felt comfortable, treated fairly, felt they could get help if they needed, and they were asked about what they did (their activities). Levels of family inclusion are slightly down on age-14 ratings, but we also used a 4-point rather than 5-point scale then, and asked about frequency of occurrence, rather than level of agreement.

Note: 

(r) The item scale was reversed before the factor scale score was calculated.

Supportive family

The young people also showed high levels of trust in their parents, and the relationships for most were warm and loving. Levels of help and support were a little lower than levels of trust and warmth.

Family communicates well

Family communication continued at a reasonable level at age 16. Most could talk with their parents about their hopes and plans for the future; around two-thirds had mothers who could tell when they were upset, and slightly fewer thought they did interesting things with their parents, slightly increased since age 14. Less than half however share their problems and troubles with their parents—though as we saw in the inclusive family factor, most feel they can get help if they need help—and only a third thought their parents checked whether they had done their homework. (if at school) or what they needed to do (if they had left school).

Family pressure

Few of the young people thought they were under family pressure to change or conform: less than 20 percent agreed with the five of the eight items in the family pressure factor. Around a third thought their family worried too much about what they did with their friends or thought that home was more friendly if they did what their parents wanted them to do, though fewer thought that than they had at age 14. Otherwise, family pressure levels were much the same as at age 14.

Young people’s role in large family decisions

Around a quarter of the students thought they had a part in the final decision making on family decisions like a major purchase, or where to go on holiday. Just over half said their parents sought their view, but it was the parents’ decision. Seventeen percent thought they had no role in such decisions. Their parents’ responses to the same question indicate that they felt the students’ view carried perhaps a little more weight than this: 64 percent said they sought their child’s view before making a decision; 24 percent said their child was part of the final decision making; and only 7 percent said their child had no role in such decisions.

Home rules

Almost all the young people were living at home, and almost all had some rules and expectations about their behaviour. Just under half said there were rules or expectations for at least 10 of the 18 aspects we asked about. As at age 14, most likely were rules around the use of alcohol, language, study, housework, and a time to be home by. But at age 16, many had fewer parental rules or expectations than at age 14.

Notes:

a. First asked at age 14.

– not asked;

* increase since age 12

All but 14 percent of the 16-year-olds had broken one of their parental rules at some stage: somewhat more than the 3 percent who said they had never broken a parental rule at age 14. Parents were more likely now to tell their adolescents off; there may have been slightly less negotiation or discussion, and more attention to circumstances. Otherwise, parental responses to their 16-year-olds breaking their rules are much the same as two years earlier.

Twenty percent of the students spent at least some time between two homes—half of these said the rules were different in each home: some less strict, some more strict. Four percent had a shared parenting arrangement, and 3 percent spent a weekend or week-night in a second household. The other arrangements were timed for school holidays or some weekends (7 percent); 4 percent had regular visits with their other parent, and 3 percent, irregular visits. Two percent also spent time in a third household.

Thirty-eight percent of the 16-year-old students came home to an empty house, up from 25 percent at age 14, and 15 percent at age 12. Parents were home to greet 59 percent of the students, 27 percent came home to a younger sibling, and 17 percent to an older sibling (down from 29 percent at age 14). A few came home to a relative or a friend.

Young people’s roles in looking after younger siblings

Sixty percent of the young people had younger brothers or sisters. Forty-two percent of this group looked after or supervised their younger siblings at home, or “fooled about” with them, and 34 percent taught them things, e.g. computer activities. Eighteen percent took them out, e.g. to the local park, and 13 percent took them to their out-of-school activities and supported them there. A smaller number did things like cooking for them. But 17 percent wanted nothing to do with their younger siblings.

Parent views of their relationship with their 16-year-olds at school

We asked the parents of those still at school about their relationship with their 16-year-old child. This gives a similar picture to that given by the young people: continued closeness and support, without trying to control behaviour, and leaving it up to the young person to raise things they wanted to raise. Parents may feel they know more about their child’s moods than the young person feels they know.

Parent views of their child’s wellbeing

Eighty-three percent of the parents thought their child was generally happy, 13 percent said their happiness varied, and 3 percent thought their child was generally unhappy. We also asked parents if they had any concerns or worries about 14 aspects of their child’s life. Just over half the parents had no concerns at all about their child; another 33 percent had low-level concerns. Generally, their level of concern was lower than it had been at age 14.

Changes parents see between age 14 and age 16

What did parents think had changed in their child between the ages of 14 and 16? Three-quarters said their child was more mature: more responsible, hard-working, confident, or independent. Twenty-seven percent mentioned growth in dimensions such as humour, kindness, and sensitivity. Five percent said relations with their child had improved. Some were contesting parental authority, showing their parents little respect (7 percent); some had fallen in love or had a more social life (5–6 percent); some were battling with mood swings or depression (4 percent); some were more materialistic (4 percent); and some were remaining naïve and easily led (3 percent). Three of the girls had become pregnant.

Seventy-four percent of the parents said their relationship with their child had changed over the two years: mainly, it had become more adult (56 percent of this group), or closer (25 percent); but for some it had become more distant (15 percent), or more conflicted (3 percent).

Parent views of how they handle disagreements with their child

Only 4 percent of the parents said they and their child never disagreed. Parents’ reports of what they would do when there was a disagreement are given in the next table. Negotiation continues to be the main response. It has increased as the young people grow older. Age 14 seemed to be a peak time for parents to get cross when they disagreed with their child—or to stay calm. There are some increases in children getting their own way, and parents ignoring the disagreement.

Half the parents reported more than one response in this situation, indicating that, for example, those who negotiated could also get cross.

Young people and parents’ shared activities

We asked parents what were the main things they did with their child. Most of those who spoke with us were mothers, which may have some bearing on what was shared. The question was open-ended, so it is likely that parents did not mention everything they did (e.g., holidays occurred to some but not all). More “adult” activities were reported: eating together, talking—and, interestingly, there was more transporting of students to their activities at age 16 than there had been at age 14. The trends to less time on shared interests or hobbies, less time on shared physical activity, and less time working on homework together continued.